Talking Heads
by Emcnary
Summary: The portraits of former Head's of Hogwarts offer the new Headmaster the benefit of their company.


Severus sat heavily in the ornate chair behind the desk in the Headmaster's office. His office now, he supposed, since he had just been appointed to the post by the Dark Lord.

"Welcome, Headmaster," Phineas Nigellus Black said proudly from his portrait.

The murmured greeting of the other portraits caused Severus' jaw to clench as he thought of the constant chatter he'd have to endure during his tenure.

"Do not despair, Severus."

Severus lifted his head and glared at the portrait of Albus Dumbledore, contemplating telling the old man to bugger off and leave him in peace. But there was no peace, no freedom from the burden of his role. Even if Dumbledore did take his meddling self to another portrait, there would be no peace for Severus until his task was done.

"What would you know of despair?"

"Plenty," Dumbledore replied, looking over his spectacles at Severus. "Now, let us get to work."

"Is this the part where we discuss yet again the rook's importance in delivering checkmate?" Severus asked, dreading another discussion of strategy.

"Indeed," Dumbledore replied cheerfully.

Heaving himself out of his chair, Severus decided Dumbledore was right—it was time to get to work. After all, he only had a matter of hours until the two newest members of his teaching staff descended upon Hogwarts to wreak whatever havoc and terror they had in mind. He had a sudden longing for the trivialities of student discipline in years past—the irritation of Nosebleed Nougat and Filibuster Fireworks suddenly seemed much more innocuous than they had before.

"What's next on our splendid agenda?" Severus asked as he began to pace back and forth in front of his desk.

.

"The utter disrespect!

"Dumbledore, your Gryffindors have really gone too far this time."

"I'd like to point out that it's never the students of Ravenclaw that find themselves in such a mess!"

"Slytherins would have the sense not to be caught."

"If I had a Knut for every time I heard that—"

"—You'd still be poor. Slytherins are not boastful."

Severus drew his wand and pointed it at the ceiling, sending up red sparks followed by a loud bang. He'd had it with the constant prattle of the portraits of former Headmasters and Headmistresses that lined the walls of his illustrious office.

"If any of you utter another word without my permission, I will use a Stunning Spell so strong you won't speak for another century."

Blissful silence filled the room as Severus took up his usual pacing, attempting to work through what to do with the problem of Neville Longbottom's newfound rebellious streak—there was only so much he could do to protect the young man from the Carrows. Deep down, he applauded the boy for finally finding a backbone, but mostly he wanted to throttle him for causing further trouble.

"All right," Severus said with a sigh. "Dumbledore, if you've any idea as to what we do with the witless Longbottom boy, let's hear it."

.

Severus stepped out of the fireplace and stalked over to stand in front of Dumbledore's portrait, glaring at him as he considered casting an _Incendio_ at the portrait even though he knew the protective enchantments would keep the portrait from disintegrating into a pile of ash—if nothing else, casting the spell might make him feel better.

"Can you please tell me what the hell the bloody "Boy Who Lived" was thinking going to Godric's Hollow?"

"Really, Dumbledore, the boy needs more direction."

"A Ravenclaw would have put the pieces together already."

"Honestly, you should have put Miss Granger in charge."

"Enough!" Severus said sharply.

Having just returned from being summoned by his master in a fit of rage at having Harry Potter slip once more through his fingers, Severus was seriously questioning Dumbledore's choice in savior of the wizarding world.

"I believe it's all part of his journey. As I've said before, he needs these steps to put the pieces into place."

Severus scowled and turned toward his desk.

"Your trio isn't as strong as you'd like to think," Severus said as he removed his cloak and tossed it onto his chair. "Weasley wasn't with them."

"I have no doubt Mr. Weasley will find his way back."

Rather than consoling him, Dumbledore's certainty irked Severus further. He strode to the door and yanked it open, hoping a patrol of the castle would help clear his head. If nothing else, maybe he could save some hapless member of Dumbledore's Army from the wrath of the Carrows.

.

With heavy steps, Severus trudged up the spiral staircase to his cursed office. He'd Apparated to the front gates rather than using the Floo, needing the long walk up the drive in the crisp March air after leaving Malfoy Manor.

"What news, Severus," Dumbledore asked anxiously.

Severus collapsed in the chair behind the desk he'd grown to loathe during his tenure as Headmaster and leaned forward to cradle his head in his hands.

"Severus?"

Severus lifted his head and peered at Dumbledore. "Granger might be dead."

The collective gasps of the former Heads echoed through the office—for once they seemed to have no words for the situation.

"The Granger girl is alive, but it was a near thing she survived." Phineas Black for once had nothing clever to add along with his words as he wandered back into his frame. "Bellatrix has once again placed a stain on the Noble House of Black," he said with a sneer.

Hermione Granger was far from Severus' favorite student—if he indeed would take the time to hand out such a ridiculous title—but she didn't deserve what Bellatrix Lestrange had delivered that night. It once again made him question this plan that Albus Dumbledore had put into motion.

"What next, Headmaster." Severus couldn't help the curling of his lip as he prepared to listen to whatever supposed wisdom Dumbledore had in store next.

.

Severus snatched the copy of the _Evening Prophet_ the owl had dropped on his desk. The "SPECIAL EDITION" emblazoned across the front page had him rapidly unfolding the paper, nearly ripping it in two as he scanned the headline.

Laughter—a rough, rusty sound coming from the man who hadn't properly laughed in longer than he could remember—erupted from Severus as he read that Potter, Granger, and Weasley had broken into Gringotts a half an hour earlier. His low laughter soon turned into uncontrolled mirth as he scanned the article that said Gringotts authorities were unsure if anything of value had been stolen.

He knew exactly what Potter had stolen from the Lestrange vault, and damn it if he couldn't help but admit that the Boy Who Lived had some bollocks, even if his ridiculous Gryffindor tactics offended the consummate Slytherin.

"Now's not the time to be cracking up."

"What could possibly be amusing at a time like this?"

"This display is quite unbecoming to your House."

"Dumbledore, do something."

For once, Severus couldn't find it within himself to be bothered by the mad prattle of the portraits; for better or for worse, he was sure the end was near.

"Severus?"

The uncertainty in Dumbledore's voice—no doubt he was unsettled by the uncharacteristic laughter—made Severus chuckle once more before he stood.

"Potter will no doubt be heading this way, Dumbledore."

"Good luck, Severus."

The Dark Mark on Severus' arm burned in summons just as he wrenched the door open to descend down the spiral staircase. He closed the door behind him, glad that his tenure as Headmaster of Hogwarts was finally ending.

* * *

A/N: Round 13-Checkmate! Chaser 3: Rook: Write from the perspective of someone other than a student who lives in Hogwarts.

Additional prompts: 3. (Word) freedom, 9. (Dialogue) "If I had a Knut for every time I heard that-" / "-You'd still be poor.", 11. (Object) Nosebleed Nougat

Word count: 1250 per Google docs


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